this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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