I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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