if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
