260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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