He disabled his match.com account in front of me
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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