She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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