I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
