i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
