Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
