hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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