Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
