I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
