Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
