someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
