I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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