Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
