Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
