i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
All the doctor said was why
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
