i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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