What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
