Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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