if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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