Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm always down for nudity.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
