ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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