I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
