I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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