If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
