the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
