gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
