He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
