i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
