I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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