Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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