I cannot find my penis.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
