I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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