Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
