just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
