piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
