Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
