i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
