I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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