Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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