mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
pop tarts are not kleenex
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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