I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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