Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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