I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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