Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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