Betty ford says i'm here all night
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
