it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
