everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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