That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
