im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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