Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
