It's Friday. Sex?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
