Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
