I just cut my nipple shaving
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
