I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
