booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
