and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
