The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
