Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
